Long story for another post, but we will be heading back to DC sometime in 2014 (hopefully summer). I'm late to the bidding game and I'm trying to make it all work now, but I find myself ultimately unapologetic for ignoring the HR aspects of my job.
My husband is in Afghanistan.
My son is awash in school and therapy and sensory-seeking extracurriculars.
My daughter is a pip who, for the first time, isn't constantly being overshadowed by all that is her brother.
For once I am not taking a work call in my office with a sick kid screaming in the background. I'm not taking a work call at home while putting PJs on an exhausted toddler. I speak to my child's teacher every. single. day. I volunteer in his class once a week.
I'm not apologizing.
This LWOP undoubtedly dinged my career a bit and, given my very strong bent toward ridiculously competitive and the Foreign Service's emphasis on ridiculously competitive, that's a bit hard to swallow.
I'm not apologizing.
With any luck, this year plus in Colorado will make it less likely that I'll be scrambling for childcare for my suspended child. It will make it slightly less likely that I'll be blamed for putting his needs on the backburner for too many years. (I say slightly less likely, because I'm not naive enough to think my children won't blame me for most things.)
I am not apologizing.
I have to keep telling myself that.
On that note, before I delve into the logistical nightmare of bidding on short notice with no access to the State system and a number of timing issues, I am going to focus on Boy, and what we find to be helpful, as there may be another stressed parent of a high-needs pugilist out there.
Here's what we've tried:
Hoping it will just go away: FAIL.
Soccer: FAIL. Boy was quite good at soccer, but couldn't handle the sensory input of a gaggle of kids rushing toward him and a ball and a whistle. There were tears more often than not.
Swimming: WIN. Did you know Boy can freestyle across a small pool? He can. He could not do that a few months ago. The first time we took him to a pool this summer, he screamed and pantsed himself because he didn't like the sensation of wet swim trunks grabbing his legs. So we went to SwimLabs (for FS families: they have a location in Vienna, VA!). The pools are small, very warm, and have an adjustable current. They also have a small class size (max 4) and a camera with monitors in the waiting room for parents and in the corners in the lab. Even at Boy's young age, teachers discuss technique with their students using video footage.
Gymnastics: WIN. For sensory seeking kids, the jumping, climbing, pushing, rolling is heaven. It helps that Boy's teacher is a middle-aged tough guy. Boy relates to that well.
Group Behavioral Therapy: WIN. Boy has been going to a school skills group for several months now, and has a vocabulary and context for discussing things that do not come naturally to him, not even in the slightest. Body space, volume, sharing, conflict resolution: it's all been invaluable.
Sensory Camp: WIN. Boy attended sensory camp this summer. He learned about body speed and control and I learned about intervention techniques. He's always used a weighted blanket, and indeed one is in his classroom for him when he flips out, but they expanded my toolkit to include a variety of deep pressure techniques.
IEP Process: We'll see? The special education coordinator needs six weeks to monitor his academic progress and his classroom behavior, and then we jump knee deep into meetings upon meetings with the nurse, psychologist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, the works. Best case scenario is he no longer qualifies for an IEP because all the rest is working. That would be great, but I'm not holding my breath.
LEGO club: WIN. Boy does LEGO Engineering after school once a week. He is exhausted when he's done, but he is so genuinely enthusiastic to have 90 minutes when he just excels, no qualifiers. He is a savant of building, and he needs that weekly success.
Kindergarten: WIN (so far). Oh, oh, oh. How thankful I am that we are back. There was no good kindergarten option for him in Estonia--he's too high needs. He's one of the youngest in his class--if not the youngest--but he's already taking off academically. He went from writing only a few of his letters to writing sentences and starting books in about four weeks. His teacher runs that classroom so tightly it's a bit intimidating, but it's what he needs. He needs rigid boundaries, constant assignments, and a challenge. I've volunteered a number of times, and I am almost always shocked at how on task he is. "On Task" isn't normal on Boy's resume. He's easier at home, he's proud of his work, and he's simply rising to the occasion.
To be clear, he's already been sent to the principal's office. But only once!
I worried at first about overloading his schedule. He wakes up so early (4:44 this morning) and is so frenetic that he's beat by 6:45 most nights. He is responding well to physical, individual activities that meet his sensory needs. He enjoys having a club where he is a star (and I enjoy outsourcing complex LEGO projects, because that's not on my resume). His iPad time chart has been changed to reward good behavior at school. I'm afraid to jinx myself, but after a year of this, we should be set.
I am not apologizing.
Showing posts with label Denver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Denver. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Denver for Kids
Boy, Girl, and I spent six months filling our time before school started this month. Denver usually isn't on the radar of Foreign Service families, if for no other reason than the Centennial State is not home to a thriving and influential foreign affairs community. Because, you know, it's not Washington D.C.*
I spent much of my youth in the D.C. area and Washington really is great for kids. Fantastic schools, free museums, plenty of historical sights. Traffic, humidity, cutthroat competition, ridiculous housing prices. Well, maybe those things aren't so great. (Washingtonians, don't feel defensive! I am one of you. Always will be. But let's be honest...Washington takes a couple years of your life.)
Anyway, for those who missed it: Why Denver? We picked Denver because it's in Colorado (der) and it's not Colorado Springs, Boulder, or Ft. Collins. Colorado Springs ain't my cup of tea for a number of reasons. Boulder is expensive and a little too Berkeley-esque. Ft. Collins is wonderful, but unless you run a brewery or teach at CSU, your employment options are limited and that wasn't a great strategy lest we end up staying here for the long run.
Denver is a little weird and accepting and relaxed. It's politically moderate, which cannot be said of the Springs or Boulder. People move to Colorado from all over, but I've never lived in a town with so many cheerleaders. Denverites are excited to be here. They drunkenly ride bikes through their town once a week. They support local breweries and businesses and bands. EVERYONE LOVES THE BRONCOS. Wow. Everyone.
This place is also great for kids. If you are looking for something a little different than squeezing your family of five into your parent's guest room this R&R or home leave, I recommend a swing through Colorado. While the mountains are an obvious destination, the capital city is worth a visit.
You will most likely need a car unless you stay only downtown, though cabs are plentiful and both Zipcar and Car2Go can be found around town. You can zip from one side of town to the other in 20 minutes.
Below are my recommendations:
*True fact. It's not.
MUSEUMS
The Children's Museum of Denver
One of the best children's museums we've been to, and we've been to a lot. Boy could spend hours constructing and shooting paper rockets and Girl loves the room filled with chutes and balls. Both enjoy the bubble area, the firetruck, and the forest make-believe area. There are activities for older kids--such as a recycling construction zone--and for littles as well (there is a designated 0-4 area that's large and lovely). Walk out the door to a chalkboard cow and a great playground along the Platte River. Parking is free.
It's also right next door to...
Downtown Aquarium
The aquarium isn't cheap, but it's just the right size for a 5 year old to enjoy a 90 minute visit. There are diving experience packages for older kids, but mine are happy to start with a ride on the carousel out front. They particularly enjoy the shark tank, which includes windows in the floor so you almost always have a shark underfoot. The inexplicable tiger exhibit is actually pretty neat, as the tigers can be very close to the crowd. You can feed and pet rays, walk through a rainstorm, and talk about how piranhas would just devour you if given the chance. Parking is $7 for non-members, $3 for members.
Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum
This is Boy's ceiling:
So it is a bit embarrassing that I didn't even realize there was an air and space museum until recently. Husband is home on R&R and took the kids there yesterday. Wings Over the Rockies is a lot like Udvar Hazy. No space shuttle, alas, but they did have an X-wing. Husband said it was great and definitely worth the trip. Parking is free.
Denver Museum of Nature & Science
The Science Museum has the advantage of being less than half a mile from our house in the southeast corner of City Park, so we've been there a lot. It's no Field Museum, but it again has something for all age groups, including a Discovery Center for kids 5 and under. There is an interesting and interactive body exhibit that again caters to the full range of kids, providing a small exploration area for little ones and virtual bike riding tests for older ones. The space exhibit is a personal favorite, and I love that it has a play area for toddlers and preschoolers in addition to interactive exhibits that target a slightly older crowd. You'll note that I use "interactive" a lot for this museum, and it certainly is. It's a snowy day favorite. Parking is free! There is also a bike share station right at the museum.
Denver Zoo
The zoo is less than one mile from our house, and a stone's throw from the Denver Museum of Nature & Science. The zoo is in the middle of city park (more on that later). The elephant exhibit is new and impressive, and we can always count on giraffes entertaining Girl. Boy loves the bat exhibit. The carousel near the hippos and birds is a nice little break from strolling around. The park is littered with climbing areas that will amuse kids from about 18 months on for as long as you let it. Peacocks roam the park, because I guess some private owner just let them out one day? The zoo has an abundance of programming for little kids and the occasional sleepover, so check out their website in advance of a trip to take advantage of their offerings. Girl is a big fan of the zoo. Parking is free.
History Colorado
History Colorado was a pleasant surprise. Girl loved the puppet show. Boy enjoyed making puppets in the lobby. The time machine in the center lobby is tons of fun. As an East Coaster, it was amusing to see kitchen exhibits from the 1920s (and yes, Europeans, I realize you scoff at my East Coast kitchen exhibits from the 1700s), but as a newly minted Colorado resident, I found the museum to be both fun and very informative. Downtown, so parking is going to cost you about four to seven dollars.
It's also a couple blocks from...
Denver Art Museum
I'm ashamed to say we haven't visited the art museum yet, as until recently I didn't realize it was such a hot destination for children. I usually hear "art museum" and think "my kids will touch things" and then avoid the whole exercise. But as you can see, it's actually a terrific place for the kiddos. I'll update with our personal recommendations once we visit next weekend. I'm excited to check it out. (It's downtown, so I can only assume parking is not free).
Butterfly Pavilion
The Butterfly Pavilion is outside of town, but an easy enough trek with a car. The butterflies are of course beautiful, but a family favorite is Rosie the Tarantula, who can creep over the arms of kids three and up. Girl is disappointed she didn't get a turn, so we are going to make another pilgrimage after her birthday.
Colorado Railroad Museum
If you have a train-crazy kid (or grandpa, as my kids have), head to Golden to see a number of locomotives and cars from several eras. The only downside is my crew wanted to climb on more trains, and only some of them are open for exploration.
Denver Botanic Gardens
Another one I'm ashamed not to have visited yet. I hear good things, though.
PARKS & PLAYGROUNDS
Denver prides itself on its parks, hence the names of many neighborhoods (Washington Park, City Park, Congress Park, etc.). The city is spotted with parks, most of which have playgrounds, but here are a few of our favorites:
City Park
City Park is the largest park in the city, and is located just slightly east of the center. City Park is home to the zoo and nature museum, loads of trails, a boathouse, playgrounds, and--on any given weekend--a fair or festival or run of some sort.
Washington Park
Wash Park is a neighborhood full of beautiful bungalows (the traditional Denver house) with a killer park. The playground is our favorite in the city, and it's surrounded by lovely gardens and trails, perfect for a picnic with the kids. The rental office can hook you up with paddle boats and kayaks or has those goofy group bikes.
Red Rocks
If you have a day to get out of town, I recommend exploring Red Rocks and then heading to nearby Golden for a meal. Red Rocks is beautiful and the amphitheater is open to the public unless a show is going to start within a couple hours. Boy loved to climb up and down the amphitheater rows, and the nature of the venue allowed me to see him almost everywhere, which meant I could sit down and enjoy the picnic lunch we brought. There are also trails throughout the area for the hiking sort. You can combine it with a trip to Dinosaur Ridge in the same town.
Cherry Creek Mall
The last week aside, it's unusual to be rained out of activities in Denver. Snowed out is entirely likely. When we need an indoor distraction, we take the kids to Cherry Creek Mall in the tony Cherry Creek neighborhood. The play area is filled with screaming children and their parents/nannies, and the kids manage to entertain themselves for as long as we want them too. There is a yummy smoothie/panini/wrap place around the corner for a healthy lunch or snack.
OTHER ATTRACTIONS
Sports
It goes without saying this is a sporty town. Everyone's really in shape too, because they all ski and run marathons and bike 40 miles on the weekend. But when you want to drink a beer and take your kids to see someone else do all the exercising, you have the following teams to enjoy: Broncos (NFL), Rockies (MLB), Avalanche (NHL), Nuggets (NBA), Rapids (MLS), Outlaws (Major League Lacrosse...who knew there was such a thing?), Dynamite (arena soccer), Crush (arena football), Mammoth (National Lacrosse League), Bulldogs (Australian football), and the Barbarians (rugby).
Amusement Parks
We haven't been to them yet, but Elitch Gardens (downtown, right next to the aquarium and kids' museum), Lakeside Amusement Park, and Heritage Square are great sources of fun. Lakeside has the advantage of being both in expensive and super-friendly to little kids.
Neighboring Cities
Denver is a great jumping off point to Colorado Springs (worth it for Garden of the Gods, Pikes Peak and an excellent zoo--you can feed giraffes!) and Boulder (home to a good festival or two and great mountain views).
BY GEOGRAPHIC AREA
Want to plan by day?
Day 1:
Start at Dinosaur Ridge in Morrison, then head up the hill to Red Rocks with a picnic lunch. Let the kids burn some energy and then check out the Railroad Museum in Golden followed by an early bird dinner downtown. Alternative to Railroad Museum: spend the afternoon in Heritage Square.
Day 2:
Manage to get breakfast at Snooze AM downtown. Your kids undoubtedly wake up too early, so beat the inevitable lines by getting there first thing. Trek over the Art Museum then eat lunch (pricey but good) at History Colorado followed by the museum itself. Take the kids down Broadway to 1st Avenue in very hip Baker for some delicious ice cream at Sweet Action. You can post-game dessert (kids are happier when dessert comes first) at the Punch Bowl Social across the street. The crowd can become mostly drunken hipsters after eight, but is pretty family friendly before that. Good food, bowling, games. Even have tiny bowling shoes for rent.
Day 3:
Start at the Children's Museum, eat there or at the Aquarium, then ride out the day at the Aquarium. If you have teens and younger ones, be a gem and let the teens hit Elitch while you do the Children's Museum and the Aquarium. Order room service for dinner, because it's day 3 and you're tired.
Day 4:
Got a morning to burn before your flight? After breakfast, head to Wash Park for a paddleboat ride or an hour on the playground.
Grown-ups: if you are fortunate enough to have a babysitter, chuck the kids in the evening and check out breweries, distilleries, quiz nights, Punch Bowl Social once it gets a bit rowdy, or any of the many great Denver bands. The Lumineers are one of the best known, but The Outfit is another quality local offering well worth your time.
I spent much of my youth in the D.C. area and Washington really is great for kids. Fantastic schools, free museums, plenty of historical sights. Traffic, humidity, cutthroat competition, ridiculous housing prices. Well, maybe those things aren't so great. (Washingtonians, don't feel defensive! I am one of you. Always will be. But let's be honest...Washington takes a couple years of your life.)
Anyway, for those who missed it: Why Denver? We picked Denver because it's in Colorado (der) and it's not Colorado Springs, Boulder, or Ft. Collins. Colorado Springs ain't my cup of tea for a number of reasons. Boulder is expensive and a little too Berkeley-esque. Ft. Collins is wonderful, but unless you run a brewery or teach at CSU, your employment options are limited and that wasn't a great strategy lest we end up staying here for the long run.
Denver is a little weird and accepting and relaxed. It's politically moderate, which cannot be said of the Springs or Boulder. People move to Colorado from all over, but I've never lived in a town with so many cheerleaders. Denverites are excited to be here. They drunkenly ride bikes through their town once a week. They support local breweries and businesses and bands. EVERYONE LOVES THE BRONCOS. Wow. Everyone.
This place is also great for kids. If you are looking for something a little different than squeezing your family of five into your parent's guest room this R&R or home leave, I recommend a swing through Colorado. While the mountains are an obvious destination, the capital city is worth a visit.
You will most likely need a car unless you stay only downtown, though cabs are plentiful and both Zipcar and Car2Go can be found around town. You can zip from one side of town to the other in 20 minutes.
Below are my recommendations:
*True fact. It's not.
MUSEUMS
The Children's Museum of Denver
One of the best children's museums we've been to, and we've been to a lot. Boy could spend hours constructing and shooting paper rockets and Girl loves the room filled with chutes and balls. Both enjoy the bubble area, the firetruck, and the forest make-believe area. There are activities for older kids--such as a recycling construction zone--and for littles as well (there is a designated 0-4 area that's large and lovely). Walk out the door to a chalkboard cow and a great playground along the Platte River. Parking is free.
It's also right next door to...
Downtown Aquarium
The aquarium isn't cheap, but it's just the right size for a 5 year old to enjoy a 90 minute visit. There are diving experience packages for older kids, but mine are happy to start with a ride on the carousel out front. They particularly enjoy the shark tank, which includes windows in the floor so you almost always have a shark underfoot. The inexplicable tiger exhibit is actually pretty neat, as the tigers can be very close to the crowd. You can feed and pet rays, walk through a rainstorm, and talk about how piranhas would just devour you if given the chance. Parking is $7 for non-members, $3 for members.
Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum
This is Boy's ceiling:
So it is a bit embarrassing that I didn't even realize there was an air and space museum until recently. Husband is home on R&R and took the kids there yesterday. Wings Over the Rockies is a lot like Udvar Hazy. No space shuttle, alas, but they did have an X-wing. Husband said it was great and definitely worth the trip. Parking is free.
Denver Museum of Nature & Science
The Science Museum has the advantage of being less than half a mile from our house in the southeast corner of City Park, so we've been there a lot. It's no Field Museum, but it again has something for all age groups, including a Discovery Center for kids 5 and under. There is an interesting and interactive body exhibit that again caters to the full range of kids, providing a small exploration area for little ones and virtual bike riding tests for older ones. The space exhibit is a personal favorite, and I love that it has a play area for toddlers and preschoolers in addition to interactive exhibits that target a slightly older crowd. You'll note that I use "interactive" a lot for this museum, and it certainly is. It's a snowy day favorite. Parking is free! There is also a bike share station right at the museum.
Denver Zoo
The zoo is less than one mile from our house, and a stone's throw from the Denver Museum of Nature & Science. The zoo is in the middle of city park (more on that later). The elephant exhibit is new and impressive, and we can always count on giraffes entertaining Girl. Boy loves the bat exhibit. The carousel near the hippos and birds is a nice little break from strolling around. The park is littered with climbing areas that will amuse kids from about 18 months on for as long as you let it. Peacocks roam the park, because I guess some private owner just let them out one day? The zoo has an abundance of programming for little kids and the occasional sleepover, so check out their website in advance of a trip to take advantage of their offerings. Girl is a big fan of the zoo. Parking is free.
 |
| Part of the Asian exhibit at the Denver Zoo |
History Colorado was a pleasant surprise. Girl loved the puppet show. Boy enjoyed making puppets in the lobby. The time machine in the center lobby is tons of fun. As an East Coaster, it was amusing to see kitchen exhibits from the 1920s (and yes, Europeans, I realize you scoff at my East Coast kitchen exhibits from the 1700s), but as a newly minted Colorado resident, I found the museum to be both fun and very informative. Downtown, so parking is going to cost you about four to seven dollars.
It's also a couple blocks from...
Denver Art Museum
I'm ashamed to say we haven't visited the art museum yet, as until recently I didn't realize it was such a hot destination for children. I usually hear "art museum" and think "my kids will touch things" and then avoid the whole exercise. But as you can see, it's actually a terrific place for the kiddos. I'll update with our personal recommendations once we visit next weekend. I'm excited to check it out. (It's downtown, so I can only assume parking is not free).
Butterfly Pavilion
The Butterfly Pavilion is outside of town, but an easy enough trek with a car. The butterflies are of course beautiful, but a family favorite is Rosie the Tarantula, who can creep over the arms of kids three and up. Girl is disappointed she didn't get a turn, so we are going to make another pilgrimage after her birthday.
Colorado Railroad Museum
If you have a train-crazy kid (or grandpa, as my kids have), head to Golden to see a number of locomotives and cars from several eras. The only downside is my crew wanted to climb on more trains, and only some of them are open for exploration.
Denver Botanic Gardens
Another one I'm ashamed not to have visited yet. I hear good things, though.
PARKS & PLAYGROUNDS
Denver prides itself on its parks, hence the names of many neighborhoods (Washington Park, City Park, Congress Park, etc.). The city is spotted with parks, most of which have playgrounds, but here are a few of our favorites:
City Park
City Park is the largest park in the city, and is located just slightly east of the center. City Park is home to the zoo and nature museum, loads of trails, a boathouse, playgrounds, and--on any given weekend--a fair or festival or run of some sort.
 |
| The Kids wander through City Park |
Wash Park is a neighborhood full of beautiful bungalows (the traditional Denver house) with a killer park. The playground is our favorite in the city, and it's surrounded by lovely gardens and trails, perfect for a picnic with the kids. The rental office can hook you up with paddle boats and kayaks or has those goofy group bikes.
If you have a day to get out of town, I recommend exploring Red Rocks and then heading to nearby Golden for a meal. Red Rocks is beautiful and the amphitheater is open to the public unless a show is going to start within a couple hours. Boy loved to climb up and down the amphitheater rows, and the nature of the venue allowed me to see him almost everywhere, which meant I could sit down and enjoy the picnic lunch we brought. There are also trails throughout the area for the hiking sort. You can combine it with a trip to Dinosaur Ridge in the same town.
Cherry Creek Mall
The last week aside, it's unusual to be rained out of activities in Denver. Snowed out is entirely likely. When we need an indoor distraction, we take the kids to Cherry Creek Mall in the tony Cherry Creek neighborhood. The play area is filled with screaming children and their parents/nannies, and the kids manage to entertain themselves for as long as we want them too. There is a yummy smoothie/panini/wrap place around the corner for a healthy lunch or snack.
OTHER ATTRACTIONS
Sports
It goes without saying this is a sporty town. Everyone's really in shape too, because they all ski and run marathons and bike 40 miles on the weekend. But when you want to drink a beer and take your kids to see someone else do all the exercising, you have the following teams to enjoy: Broncos (NFL), Rockies (MLB), Avalanche (NHL), Nuggets (NBA), Rapids (MLS), Outlaws (Major League Lacrosse...who knew there was such a thing?), Dynamite (arena soccer), Crush (arena football), Mammoth (National Lacrosse League), Bulldogs (Australian football), and the Barbarians (rugby).
Amusement Parks
We haven't been to them yet, but Elitch Gardens (downtown, right next to the aquarium and kids' museum), Lakeside Amusement Park, and Heritage Square are great sources of fun. Lakeside has the advantage of being both in expensive and super-friendly to little kids.
Neighboring Cities
Denver is a great jumping off point to Colorado Springs (worth it for Garden of the Gods, Pikes Peak and an excellent zoo--you can feed giraffes!) and Boulder (home to a good festival or two and great mountain views).
BY GEOGRAPHIC AREA
Want to plan by day?
Day 1:
Start at Dinosaur Ridge in Morrison, then head up the hill to Red Rocks with a picnic lunch. Let the kids burn some energy and then check out the Railroad Museum in Golden followed by an early bird dinner downtown. Alternative to Railroad Museum: spend the afternoon in Heritage Square.
Day 2:
Manage to get breakfast at Snooze AM downtown. Your kids undoubtedly wake up too early, so beat the inevitable lines by getting there first thing. Trek over the Art Museum then eat lunch (pricey but good) at History Colorado followed by the museum itself. Take the kids down Broadway to 1st Avenue in very hip Baker for some delicious ice cream at Sweet Action. You can post-game dessert (kids are happier when dessert comes first) at the Punch Bowl Social across the street. The crowd can become mostly drunken hipsters after eight, but is pretty family friendly before that. Good food, bowling, games. Even have tiny bowling shoes for rent.
Day 3:
Start at the Children's Museum, eat there or at the Aquarium, then ride out the day at the Aquarium. If you have teens and younger ones, be a gem and let the teens hit Elitch while you do the Children's Museum and the Aquarium. Order room service for dinner, because it's day 3 and you're tired.
Day 4:
Got a morning to burn before your flight? After breakfast, head to Wash Park for a paddleboat ride or an hour on the playground.
Grown-ups: if you are fortunate enough to have a babysitter, chuck the kids in the evening and check out breweries, distilleries, quiz nights, Punch Bowl Social once it gets a bit rowdy, or any of the many great Denver bands. The Lumineers are one of the best known, but The Outfit is another quality local offering well worth your time.
Monday, August 5, 2013
AWOL
Fear not, Loyal Reader (seriously, there's just one of you), I am alive, as are Husband and The Brood. I have some very good reasons for being quiet this summer. If you want to maintain the tiny bit of respect you have for me, I suggest you stop reading after reason #4. If you want to test your love and respect in the face of reality, read through.
Reason #1: Boy was accepted into a number of therapeutic programs at once. For the past month, he's had some activity or another every week day (swimming, behavioral group therapy, sensory integration camp). Yes, that last one is a thing, and it was fantastic. This week we have only group and the start of pre-school doctors appointments. First up, 5 year well-child, followed by eyes and teeth.
Reason #2: YES I SAID FIVE. Good Lord. He's five. Lots of celebrating, coming on the heels of my 32nd birthday, which involved lots of adult time and fun for me over several days. So no blogging.
Reason #3: I had a visitor. An honest-to-goodness visitor! Aunt C, blogger extraordinaire, Godmother The Most, College Roomie The First, graced Denver for a few days. It was lovely to have her and I'm sure all y'all would enjoy a visit too, so get on it.
Reason #4: My mom et al moved to Denver.
Reason #5: Candy Crush.
Reason #6: The batteries in the mouse died, and I considered waiting until Husband is home in September so he could remedy the situation. Can't blog comfortably on an iPad and even if I wanted to, please see Reason #5.
Summer is summer is summer. Lots of sweaty days. A few mad dashes to the ice cream truck while dogs escape and coins fly from my wallet, trying to appease the two children who seem not to hear me when I speak to them from two feet away, but who can detect an ice cream truck if it rings its bell in Kansas. PS--an ice cream sandwich is now $3.50; no $0.25 packs of candy cigarettes. My childhood weeps.
One trek to my cousin's wedding several hours from here, across the mountains. There were unironic cowboy hats. Everything is ironic on the East Coast, so this was very exciting for me.
One bid list. Zero ideas. For the past seven years, my mind wandered over the possibilities of Burundi or Beijing, wondering if the consular high of a post like CJ was worth the stress. Yes, over the past seven, even when it wasn't our bidding season. Now it all seems oppressive. We aren't ready. Boy isn't ready. We won't know anything until he's settled into school and an IEP is in place, so overseas is out. DC is always a possibility, but if this school year doesn't go well--or if it goes very well--we'd hate to move and both be back at work full-time, managing the many services our son needs with a Washington cost of living and a Washington work day. Hawaii is a possibility for Husband, but not me, but it's too expensive to do on one salary. Kansas could happen for Husband with a commute to Denver on the weekends, and for me--who knows? More LWOP? What I want is a magical little 03 or 02 job at Aurora. I've inquired about such things, but I haven't heard anything. It's a stretch, a potshot, a chance to stay in a career I've dreamed of since I was 16. It's a job that--so far--doesn't exist.
Possibly an 81 mile commute to NORAD for Husband. We'd take it, though, and figure out the rest later.
So: summer. There is something romantic about the long hot days of summer. Of ice cream trucks and sweat and sidewalk chalk. Of bidding and lobbying and dreaming of far-off places. Though there was a chill one day--one rare rainy day--and I immediately longed for a DC autumn, for brilliant trees and morning frost and hot cider.
Opportunity costs.
Reason #1: Boy was accepted into a number of therapeutic programs at once. For the past month, he's had some activity or another every week day (swimming, behavioral group therapy, sensory integration camp). Yes, that last one is a thing, and it was fantastic. This week we have only group and the start of pre-school doctors appointments. First up, 5 year well-child, followed by eyes and teeth.
Reason #2: YES I SAID FIVE. Good Lord. He's five. Lots of celebrating, coming on the heels of my 32nd birthday, which involved lots of adult time and fun for me over several days. So no blogging.
Reason #3: I had a visitor. An honest-to-goodness visitor! Aunt C, blogger extraordinaire, Godmother The Most, College Roomie The First, graced Denver for a few days. It was lovely to have her and I'm sure all y'all would enjoy a visit too, so get on it.
Reason #4: My mom et al moved to Denver.
Reason #5: Candy Crush.
Reason #6: The batteries in the mouse died, and I considered waiting until Husband is home in September so he could remedy the situation. Can't blog comfortably on an iPad and even if I wanted to, please see Reason #5.
Summer is summer is summer. Lots of sweaty days. A few mad dashes to the ice cream truck while dogs escape and coins fly from my wallet, trying to appease the two children who seem not to hear me when I speak to them from two feet away, but who can detect an ice cream truck if it rings its bell in Kansas. PS--an ice cream sandwich is now $3.50; no $0.25 packs of candy cigarettes. My childhood weeps.
One trek to my cousin's wedding several hours from here, across the mountains. There were unironic cowboy hats. Everything is ironic on the East Coast, so this was very exciting for me.
One bid list. Zero ideas. For the past seven years, my mind wandered over the possibilities of Burundi or Beijing, wondering if the consular high of a post like CJ was worth the stress. Yes, over the past seven, even when it wasn't our bidding season. Now it all seems oppressive. We aren't ready. Boy isn't ready. We won't know anything until he's settled into school and an IEP is in place, so overseas is out. DC is always a possibility, but if this school year doesn't go well--or if it goes very well--we'd hate to move and both be back at work full-time, managing the many services our son needs with a Washington cost of living and a Washington work day. Hawaii is a possibility for Husband, but not me, but it's too expensive to do on one salary. Kansas could happen for Husband with a commute to Denver on the weekends, and for me--who knows? More LWOP? What I want is a magical little 03 or 02 job at Aurora. I've inquired about such things, but I haven't heard anything. It's a stretch, a potshot, a chance to stay in a career I've dreamed of since I was 16. It's a job that--so far--doesn't exist.
Possibly an 81 mile commute to NORAD for Husband. We'd take it, though, and figure out the rest later.
So: summer. There is something romantic about the long hot days of summer. Of ice cream trucks and sweat and sidewalk chalk. Of bidding and lobbying and dreaming of far-off places. Though there was a chill one day--one rare rainy day--and I immediately longed for a DC autumn, for brilliant trees and morning frost and hot cider.
Opportunity costs.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Metro Revisited
I sat in the handicapped seats, suitcase between my knees, trying to remain out of everyone's way and keep a continuous scan going in case someone with a legitimate need for the handicapped seats showed up. The metro was filled with metro sounds--on a June Saturday that's usually kids and their parents, the sounds of fanny packs planning outings to the Smithsonian. The first stop after I got on was National Airport, and my neighbors glanced first expectantly and then in confusion at my suitcase as I remain seated. I stayed there, headphones in, picking up the ambient noise in between songs on my playlist. I was hunched over, hand cautiously on the suitcase, arm tattooed, nose ring in. No wedding ring on. It occurred to me in that moment that people might make certain assumptions about me: probably that I was younger than I am (thanks, Muse Salon), that I was aimless. I wanted to hold a sign announcing that I am a mother, a diplomat, that this is my one chance to have headphones in, and that on another Saturday two years ago I would have brought my own roiling cacophony onto the train, also headed to the Smithsonian while wondering why my day off felt like so much work. No fanny pack, though. No tattoos yet.
I paid inordinate attention to the landscape in front and then below us when the plane took off from Denver. The front range stretched before me, snow marking the famous fourteeners. The dips and marks of the ground stayed within view for several thousands of feet. God's own country, no doubt. I felt in awe and thankful that--for now, anyway--I can call this place home.
Coming in over the Potomac pulled a different string. Washington always was and always will be my true north. I saw the neat rows of headstones in Arlington and the glittering water and placed a tick mark in the D.C.'s pro column. I stepped into an immediate soup of humidity--not bad by local standards but brutal after a few months in Colorado. One tick in the con.
Friends, acquaintances, classmates, alums wanted to know where my brood was, and I answer that they were in Denver. I'd loved to have shown them off, but I was relieved to have my headphones in, to process the whats and the what nexts on my own. We video-chatted in the middle of a reunion event, Girl blowing raspberries and Boy inserting "poop" between words. I bought a new Georgetown shirt. I lamented the removal of the my favorite tree, the one that I would climb instead of attending Western Civ. I wondered if I would ever step foot in FSI again, if I would ever write another EER, if I would ever keep up with the amazingly talented people I know and love from college. I wondered if I wanted to keep up.
And then No Diggity came on, and I danced. A lot. Class of 2003: Word.
I paid inordinate attention to the landscape in front and then below us when the plane took off from Denver. The front range stretched before me, snow marking the famous fourteeners. The dips and marks of the ground stayed within view for several thousands of feet. God's own country, no doubt. I felt in awe and thankful that--for now, anyway--I can call this place home.
Coming in over the Potomac pulled a different string. Washington always was and always will be my true north. I saw the neat rows of headstones in Arlington and the glittering water and placed a tick mark in the D.C.'s pro column. I stepped into an immediate soup of humidity--not bad by local standards but brutal after a few months in Colorado. One tick in the con.
Friends, acquaintances, classmates, alums wanted to know where my brood was, and I answer that they were in Denver. I'd loved to have shown them off, but I was relieved to have my headphones in, to process the whats and the what nexts on my own. We video-chatted in the middle of a reunion event, Girl blowing raspberries and Boy inserting "poop" between words. I bought a new Georgetown shirt. I lamented the removal of the my favorite tree, the one that I would climb instead of attending Western Civ. I wondered if I would ever step foot in FSI again, if I would ever write another EER, if I would ever keep up with the amazingly talented people I know and love from college. I wondered if I wanted to keep up.
And then No Diggity came on, and I danced. A lot. Class of 2003: Word.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
UT: A Progress Report
This is not our first shot an unaccompanied tour. Last time Husband was in Iraq, Boy and I in India. That set-up had its own challenges, not least of which that was after, er, R&R number two, I was pregnant, working full time, parenting a toddler solo and, oh yeah, in India.
This UT is completely different, and more akin to those faced by most Foreign Service families. One spouse is employed in a warzone, the other is managing the rest of life divorced from OpenNet and any other resources that keep you connected to the Department. As an employee, I've watched my bidding season come and go, and unless someone can churn up a FS position at the closest passport agency (which I'd happily take), I'll likely watch the next come and go as well. We have no idea what resources Boy will need in school next year, so we are in no position to say whether we can go overseas again or whether we can both work full-time in Washington. There are a lot of question marks still, a theme of recent times.
So, three months in, with the first R&R halfway over, where are we? I am still on LWOP, Husband is still assigned to Afghanistan. His professional life is in flux, due to the crossroads of drawdown and tragedy, and therefore has some unanticipated stressors. I miss my work and colleagues. I miss seeing adults. I don't miss the panicked rush to find childcare or the always marriage-enhancing game of Who Is More Important at Work Today? when the kids are suddenly sick. I don't miss the chaos of getting two kids to separate schools for their ten hour days, then taking separate cars to pick them up so we can get both of them in the narrow window between the end of the work day and the end of their school hours. I don't miss taking phone calls from Washington while trying to dress a screaming, exhausted toddler for bedtime. I don't miss the guilt when we explain that no, both of us can't be at a 6:00 a.m. event because someone has to feed our children, dress them, and get them to school.
On the flip side, at home I'm on all the time. No adult comes to rescue me (except for some awesome aunts*). No one takes duty calls. Boy wakes up by 5:30 (before 5:00 for the past week), and because Girl sleeps later and naps, she doesn't go down until 7:30 or even 8:00 some nights. I put in 14 hour days of full-on parenting more often than not, and follow them up with dishes and laundry. The extent of my adult interaction is some local family members (oh thank Jeebus*) and the great people at the gym. Coincidentally, I'm at the gym A LOT. Well, a lot for me. They have a daycare there and I lose weight. Everyone wins.
I've mastered ___________ to the extent it will ever be mastered. [Choices: Grocery shopping with two kids; Cleaning the house with two kids; Mowing the lawn with two kids; All of the above.]
I quickly learned that the only way to slow the inevitable losing of my mind was to insist that the children help with everything they can. Boy helps with laundry. Girl helps unload the dishwasher. Both dust. Boy cleans up his Legos every night. Girl helps put away toys in the playroom. Boy buckles himself into his carseat. They can both feed the pets. Boy lets the dog in and out. These are little things, but they make me feel like it is slightly less all on me.
I fill out paperwork and add Boy to waitlist after waitlist. Socialization groups, behavioral therapy, IEPs. We're waiting.
Denver was the right choice for us, and a blog post is evolving in my mind reviewing Denver for families. That said, this is the first time I've lived in America, but not in DC or New York, so my friends seem so close and far at the same time. Luckily I jet to my college reunion in a few days. Thanks to Husband for holding down the fort. I want to see my people.
Oh, and I pierced my nose. Sorry, Dad! It won't stay in forever, just for LWOP. Promise.
*When we made the decision not to go to Washington, we flirted with the idea of Portland or Austin. Thankfully flirting was all it was, because without the family that's here I would have been up a sad, frustrating creek. And all our stuff would still be in boxes.
This UT is completely different, and more akin to those faced by most Foreign Service families. One spouse is employed in a warzone, the other is managing the rest of life divorced from OpenNet and any other resources that keep you connected to the Department. As an employee, I've watched my bidding season come and go, and unless someone can churn up a FS position at the closest passport agency (which I'd happily take), I'll likely watch the next come and go as well. We have no idea what resources Boy will need in school next year, so we are in no position to say whether we can go overseas again or whether we can both work full-time in Washington. There are a lot of question marks still, a theme of recent times.
So, three months in, with the first R&R halfway over, where are we? I am still on LWOP, Husband is still assigned to Afghanistan. His professional life is in flux, due to the crossroads of drawdown and tragedy, and therefore has some unanticipated stressors. I miss my work and colleagues. I miss seeing adults. I don't miss the panicked rush to find childcare or the always marriage-enhancing game of Who Is More Important at Work Today? when the kids are suddenly sick. I don't miss the chaos of getting two kids to separate schools for their ten hour days, then taking separate cars to pick them up so we can get both of them in the narrow window between the end of the work day and the end of their school hours. I don't miss taking phone calls from Washington while trying to dress a screaming, exhausted toddler for bedtime. I don't miss the guilt when we explain that no, both of us can't be at a 6:00 a.m. event because someone has to feed our children, dress them, and get them to school.
On the flip side, at home I'm on all the time. No adult comes to rescue me (except for some awesome aunts*). No one takes duty calls. Boy wakes up by 5:30 (before 5:00 for the past week), and because Girl sleeps later and naps, she doesn't go down until 7:30 or even 8:00 some nights. I put in 14 hour days of full-on parenting more often than not, and follow them up with dishes and laundry. The extent of my adult interaction is some local family members (oh thank Jeebus*) and the great people at the gym. Coincidentally, I'm at the gym A LOT. Well, a lot for me. They have a daycare there and I lose weight. Everyone wins.
I've mastered ___________ to the extent it will ever be mastered. [Choices: Grocery shopping with two kids; Cleaning the house with two kids; Mowing the lawn with two kids; All of the above.]
I quickly learned that the only way to slow the inevitable losing of my mind was to insist that the children help with everything they can. Boy helps with laundry. Girl helps unload the dishwasher. Both dust. Boy cleans up his Legos every night. Girl helps put away toys in the playroom. Boy buckles himself into his carseat. They can both feed the pets. Boy lets the dog in and out. These are little things, but they make me feel like it is slightly less all on me.
I fill out paperwork and add Boy to waitlist after waitlist. Socialization groups, behavioral therapy, IEPs. We're waiting.
Denver was the right choice for us, and a blog post is evolving in my mind reviewing Denver for families. That said, this is the first time I've lived in America, but not in DC or New York, so my friends seem so close and far at the same time. Luckily I jet to my college reunion in a few days. Thanks to Husband for holding down the fort. I want to see my people.
Oh, and I pierced my nose. Sorry, Dad! It won't stay in forever, just for LWOP. Promise.
*When we made the decision not to go to Washington, we flirted with the idea of Portland or Austin. Thankfully flirting was all it was, because without the family that's here I would have been up a sad, frustrating creek. And all our stuff would still be in boxes.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Like a Boss
Wow. Three weeks, no blogging. This isn't good, but our brand of groundhog day is unlikely to be particularly thrilling reading material, so maybe it's best. If you don't have anything interesting to say, don't say anything at all.*
This post is full of Foreign Service Top Tips. I bet you are super excited.
We've been settling in and we were doing alright--our behavior management plan is making life so much better for Boy and me--until a week ago. We had already received our license-plate-free cars and on Wednesday last we were eagerly anticipating our HHE, scheduled to arrive at our doorstep between 8:00 and 10:00 a.m. I received a call from the driver, saying they had another delivery and wouldn't be at our house until noon or so. I asked if there would be sufficient time for a full unpack and in response received the typical, "Oh? You wanted a full unpack?"
NOTE FOR FS NEWBIES: When in America, insist on your full unpack. The companies receive a lot of taxpayer dollars to do it for you, and will often try to wiggle out of it.
So I decide to continue tidying to prepare for the avalanche, hurricane, other weather-disaster-related metaphor of stuff that was about to rain down on us (see what I did there?). And I promptly fell down the stairs and destroyed my tailbone. I took one car for emissions testing and the garage door wouldn't close and Boy had a huge meltdown at the testing station and my butt really hurt and at one point I might have sat in the driver's seat, slammed my hands repeatedly against the steering wheel and screamed, "I hate my life!" Might have.
Our stuff arrived at....drumroll please...at 4:30 p.m. and was unpacked the next day. Once it was unpacked, it was clear that our 1890 sq. ft. house was not equipped to handle all our crap. I despaired for another day.
The village descended. My stepmom flew in from Washington and her sister and brother-in-law who live just a mile from my house became Team Awesome, sorting and tossing and organizing. There was even a margarita in there. I had to choose between Percocet and the margarita, and I chose the latter. More satisfying. In order to make my life easier, I ordered a storage container from 1-800-Packrat, which is now sitting in my driveway and holding all of the stuff that will go on Craigslist or in a yard sale. Super cheap, totally worth it. Consider this a Foreign Service Downsizing HHE Processing Top Tip.
Monday was the Like a Boss day. Emissions testing, VIN verification, registration of two cars? Driver's license? Nailed it. Taxes? Done. Paid. (If you have household staff, like we did for the first 6 months of 2012, you pay a lot come April 15.) Rental car? Returned. IN THE SNOW. LIKE A BOSS. Computer desk? Assembled.
Only Foreign Service Officers and their families might appreciate the atrociousness of international relocation, but its awfulness cannot be overstated.
Tuesday was also successful, though not as much in the conquering of Bureaucratic Forces Designed to Make Citizens Cry. I made it to the gym and did a good lower body/upper body workout. (No sitting though, so in order do bench presses from the balance ball, I had to flop somewhat fishlike on it. Trainer was amused.) Then I showered (! I know!) and took Girl to an affordable, well-reviewed preschool to secure the remaining spot for September enrollment. It's only for three half-days a week, and she pouted the whole way home because she wanted to go to preschool right then (there were bunnies, so can't blame her), but it's a win. It's two blocks from Boy's future school, which we will tour this morning if I can successfully cover up the fact that he's been up coughing all night long.
I'll cover the impossibility of securing an appointment with a behavioral psychologist in our network (at least a three month wait unless I go to the pediatric psych ER and get him admitted), the near miss for our family in Kandahar, Boston, and all things glum some other time. For now, our life is mundane, but each task conquered is a task conquered, so I'll take it.
Oh, also got a haircut for the first time in six months and a dye job to deal with this gray hair. LIKE A BOSS.
*Never stopped me before.
This post is full of Foreign Service Top Tips. I bet you are super excited.
We've been settling in and we were doing alright--our behavior management plan is making life so much better for Boy and me--until a week ago. We had already received our license-plate-free cars and on Wednesday last we were eagerly anticipating our HHE, scheduled to arrive at our doorstep between 8:00 and 10:00 a.m. I received a call from the driver, saying they had another delivery and wouldn't be at our house until noon or so. I asked if there would be sufficient time for a full unpack and in response received the typical, "Oh? You wanted a full unpack?"
NOTE FOR FS NEWBIES: When in America, insist on your full unpack. The companies receive a lot of taxpayer dollars to do it for you, and will often try to wiggle out of it.
So I decide to continue tidying to prepare for the avalanche, hurricane, other weather-disaster-related metaphor of stuff that was about to rain down on us (see what I did there?). And I promptly fell down the stairs and destroyed my tailbone. I took one car for emissions testing and the garage door wouldn't close and Boy had a huge meltdown at the testing station and my butt really hurt and at one point I might have sat in the driver's seat, slammed my hands repeatedly against the steering wheel and screamed, "I hate my life!" Might have.
Our stuff arrived at....drumroll please...at 4:30 p.m. and was unpacked the next day. Once it was unpacked, it was clear that our 1890 sq. ft. house was not equipped to handle all our crap. I despaired for another day.
The village descended. My stepmom flew in from Washington and her sister and brother-in-law who live just a mile from my house became Team Awesome, sorting and tossing and organizing. There was even a margarita in there. I had to choose between Percocet and the margarita, and I chose the latter. More satisfying. In order to make my life easier, I ordered a storage container from 1-800-Packrat, which is now sitting in my driveway and holding all of the stuff that will go on Craigslist or in a yard sale. Super cheap, totally worth it. Consider this a Foreign Service Downsizing HHE Processing Top Tip.
Monday was the Like a Boss day. Emissions testing, VIN verification, registration of two cars? Driver's license? Nailed it. Taxes? Done. Paid. (If you have household staff, like we did for the first 6 months of 2012, you pay a lot come April 15.) Rental car? Returned. IN THE SNOW. LIKE A BOSS. Computer desk? Assembled.
Only Foreign Service Officers and their families might appreciate the atrociousness of international relocation, but its awfulness cannot be overstated.
Tuesday was also successful, though not as much in the conquering of Bureaucratic Forces Designed to Make Citizens Cry. I made it to the gym and did a good lower body/upper body workout. (No sitting though, so in order do bench presses from the balance ball, I had to flop somewhat fishlike on it. Trainer was amused.) Then I showered (! I know!) and took Girl to an affordable, well-reviewed preschool to secure the remaining spot for September enrollment. It's only for three half-days a week, and she pouted the whole way home because she wanted to go to preschool right then (there were bunnies, so can't blame her), but it's a win. It's two blocks from Boy's future school, which we will tour this morning if I can successfully cover up the fact that he's been up coughing all night long.
I'll cover the impossibility of securing an appointment with a behavioral psychologist in our network (at least a three month wait unless I go to the pediatric psych ER and get him admitted), the near miss for our family in Kandahar, Boston, and all things glum some other time. For now, our life is mundane, but each task conquered is a task conquered, so I'll take it.
Oh, also got a haircut for the first time in six months and a dye job to deal with this gray hair. LIKE A BOSS.
*Never stopped me before.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Oxygen
So far homeownership has been akin to what I imagine a fast bleed must be like. Small purchases, big purchases...I'm constantly purchasing. The fence company is on day two of their build, Girl's super expensive 3-day-blinds just went up on day 14 (that's a rant for another time), and I just got a landscaping design and proposal that will require me to sell at least part of my liver.
Yesterday was my mom's last day in town. In the afternoon, she started doing her typical mom thing of straightening up unsorted piles and organizing a bit. I stopped her and told her what I wanted more than anything was to play with the kids while I left the house alone for the last time ever. She understood.
I don't have any non-PJ pants at the moment, so I went to try on jeans. I attempted to pull on a couple pairs, when I realized that what I really needed was a gym membership. I left the shop, drove straight to the closest gym with a daycare, and joined. I didn't hesitate to toss significant change at the personal training program. I start with a trainer on Tuesday and I fervently hope Boy won't get uninvited from their kids' center.
In an effort to squeeze as much as I could out of my mom's last couple hours in Colorado, I took the dog on a run this morning. Well, I ran, Dali trotted along like it was nothing, which was sort of insulting but no matter. My first conclusion is: where have all the oxygens gone? It's like some oxygen-stealing goblin flies around and steals alllll of the molecules and brings them to sea level, because there sure as hell aren't any left here.
To be fair, Estonia is essentially sea level. Exhibit A: there is no word to distinguish a hill from a mountain (both are "mägi"), as there aren't any of the latter and there are hardly any of the former. Exhibit B: Big Egg Mountain isn't. And when I ran (read: plodded) along the Gulf of Finland, passing a friend who had come out to clap for me, around mile 8 of my half marathon, I declared that the whole experience was worse than childbirth and whatever my body was doing at that moment, it was certainly not efficiently processing oxygen.
This is all to say, maybe it's me. Although it's also definitely the altitude. But it's really mostly me. For all the many commitments and contracts and purchases of the past few days, this is the one I'm most excited about: a little mom time, some great exercise, and hopefully more than a little self-confidence. Despite the perks of working motherhood (salary, adult time, you can sit down occasionally, I don't carry anyone at the office), fitness was the one thing I constantly sacrificed. I was gone from the house more than ten hours of the day and when I was home I was cooking, cleaning, reading stories, etc. The idea that I would take an hour of what time I had left and exercise just seemed, well, exhausting. I needed it, and I should have done it, but here we are. A fresh start.
Yesterday was my mom's last day in town. In the afternoon, she started doing her typical mom thing of straightening up unsorted piles and organizing a bit. I stopped her and told her what I wanted more than anything was to play with the kids while I left the house alone for the last time ever. She understood.
I don't have any non-PJ pants at the moment, so I went to try on jeans. I attempted to pull on a couple pairs, when I realized that what I really needed was a gym membership. I left the shop, drove straight to the closest gym with a daycare, and joined. I didn't hesitate to toss significant change at the personal training program. I start with a trainer on Tuesday and I fervently hope Boy won't get uninvited from their kids' center.
In an effort to squeeze as much as I could out of my mom's last couple hours in Colorado, I took the dog on a run this morning. Well, I ran, Dali trotted along like it was nothing, which was sort of insulting but no matter. My first conclusion is: where have all the oxygens gone? It's like some oxygen-stealing goblin flies around and steals alllll of the molecules and brings them to sea level, because there sure as hell aren't any left here.
To be fair, Estonia is essentially sea level. Exhibit A: there is no word to distinguish a hill from a mountain (both are "mägi"), as there aren't any of the latter and there are hardly any of the former. Exhibit B: Big Egg Mountain isn't. And when I ran (read: plodded) along the Gulf of Finland, passing a friend who had come out to clap for me, around mile 8 of my half marathon, I declared that the whole experience was worse than childbirth and whatever my body was doing at that moment, it was certainly not efficiently processing oxygen.
This is all to say, maybe it's me. Although it's also definitely the altitude. But it's really mostly me. For all the many commitments and contracts and purchases of the past few days, this is the one I'm most excited about: a little mom time, some great exercise, and hopefully more than a little self-confidence. Despite the perks of working motherhood (salary, adult time, you can sit down occasionally, I don't carry anyone at the office), fitness was the one thing I constantly sacrificed. I was gone from the house more than ten hours of the day and when I was home I was cooking, cleaning, reading stories, etc. The idea that I would take an hour of what time I had left and exercise just seemed, well, exhausting. I needed it, and I should have done it, but here we are. A fresh start.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Falling Short
Boy opened the front door yesterday to throw out his apple core, "so the bugs can eat it," and I added a compost pile to my growing list of domestic aspirations. Like many Washingtonians, I strive to overachieve, and though I fall short regularly and spectacularly, I cannot stop pinning DIY detergents and fabric organizers and memory books.
When Husband and I were debating how best to handle this massive shift to one stay-at-home parent, he told me that I needed to direct his ambition. That he was going to be ambitious was a given, but I had to tell him whether I wanted him to have career ambition or stay-at-home-dad ambition. I am similar, and so I strive to can, and sew, and generally make a home.
I haven't added "grow kale" to my list, but I figure with a sleeve of tattoos and at least one bird-print dress, I'm one pin away from growing some in a repurposed crate. I know my children will eye a kale smoothie with intense skepticism, as would I, but it seems to be what I should be aiming for, so aim I shall.
It would be great if I could pretend that's not how this ambition works, that I'm not competitive with myself and the world, but that would be a lie and you all would know it, so let's just dispense with such notions now.
Stepping back from the Service is harder than I thought it would be. I squeezed in a few precious minutes to read the Washington Post the other day, and as I read "Secretary Kerry" over and over again it hit me that the Department moves on without me. His first day was my last, and that was just one of many changes that will surely come. I know when I return the software will be different, the procedures will be different, and--possibly--immigration and nationality law in itself could be different. My friends and colleagues will be promoted over me. We are an intensely competitive service, staffed with people who genuinely like their work and each other, but who all aspire to superstar status. I am that way by nature, but I've had to step back for my kids. Even if Boy were your average child, I can't work 14 hour days with two small kids at home and a husband with a full-time job. So I end up in a life were I spend most of my day giving not-quite-enough at the office, and the rest of it giving not-nearly-enough at home. It's tough on your soul.
I'm hoping to enjoy this break from paid employment, however long it will be, as a break from the pressure and competition and, in my case, the omnipresent sense of inadequacy. I am still me, though, and as I finished re-upholstering our dining room chairs, I put out a cloth and called the kids over to paint embroidery hoops for Girl's room (pictures will soon explain). I whipped up some pumpkin bread this morning, and after the kids wake up from their nap, my mom and I will caravan to the other side of the city to pick up some great mid-century modern vintage vinyl chairs for my porch. I joined the local food co-op this morning, I bought kids chalk for their new chalkboard wall, and I even took a shower. It sounds great, right? I'm somewhat productive, I'm nesting, and I'm even clean.
All I can think is I haven't planted any kale and I haven't been anybody's staff assistant. And so my list keeps growing, passing aspirational and approaching delusional, as I calculate not how I can have it all, but how I can do it all. I'm still hoping that some day, in some way, I'll finally walk on water.
When Husband and I were debating how best to handle this massive shift to one stay-at-home parent, he told me that I needed to direct his ambition. That he was going to be ambitious was a given, but I had to tell him whether I wanted him to have career ambition or stay-at-home-dad ambition. I am similar, and so I strive to can, and sew, and generally make a home.
I haven't added "grow kale" to my list, but I figure with a sleeve of tattoos and at least one bird-print dress, I'm one pin away from growing some in a repurposed crate. I know my children will eye a kale smoothie with intense skepticism, as would I, but it seems to be what I should be aiming for, so aim I shall.
It would be great if I could pretend that's not how this ambition works, that I'm not competitive with myself and the world, but that would be a lie and you all would know it, so let's just dispense with such notions now.
Stepping back from the Service is harder than I thought it would be. I squeezed in a few precious minutes to read the Washington Post the other day, and as I read "Secretary Kerry" over and over again it hit me that the Department moves on without me. His first day was my last, and that was just one of many changes that will surely come. I know when I return the software will be different, the procedures will be different, and--possibly--immigration and nationality law in itself could be different. My friends and colleagues will be promoted over me. We are an intensely competitive service, staffed with people who genuinely like their work and each other, but who all aspire to superstar status. I am that way by nature, but I've had to step back for my kids. Even if Boy were your average child, I can't work 14 hour days with two small kids at home and a husband with a full-time job. So I end up in a life were I spend most of my day giving not-quite-enough at the office, and the rest of it giving not-nearly-enough at home. It's tough on your soul.
I'm hoping to enjoy this break from paid employment, however long it will be, as a break from the pressure and competition and, in my case, the omnipresent sense of inadequacy. I am still me, though, and as I finished re-upholstering our dining room chairs, I put out a cloth and called the kids over to paint embroidery hoops for Girl's room (pictures will soon explain). I whipped up some pumpkin bread this morning, and after the kids wake up from their nap, my mom and I will caravan to the other side of the city to pick up some great mid-century modern vintage vinyl chairs for my porch. I joined the local food co-op this morning, I bought kids chalk for their new chalkboard wall, and I even took a shower. It sounds great, right? I'm somewhat productive, I'm nesting, and I'm even clean.
All I can think is I haven't planted any kale and I haven't been anybody's staff assistant. And so my list keeps growing, passing aspirational and approaching delusional, as I calculate not how I can have it all, but how I can do it all. I'm still hoping that some day, in some way, I'll finally walk on water.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Real Estate by Skype: A Buyer's Guide
Another FS blogger wondered how to go about buying a house sight unseen. When I put something on the Facepage in January about putting in a bid on a house we've only seen by Skype and experiencing a heart attack waiting for the seller's response, a lot of dips wrote that they've done the same thing. One friend noted he's still never seen a place he bought several years ago. Another noted he and his wife went straight through closing without ever seeing their house. Such is the expat life.
Here are my tips. Keep in mind that I know really nothing about buying a house, but I am currently occupying one and no one has sent the police over to tell me I did the whole thing wrong and I'm actually a very well-established squatter. I mean, I just painted, so that would be awkward.
1) Get a good agent. We love USAA and naturally took them up on their MoversAdvantage offer. As part of the program (well, as all of the program, really), they set you up with a broker in your market. If you close with that person, you get cash on closing. It's a nice sum of cash in any other situation, but in the context of buying a house, it's not a lot and it's certainly not worth maintaining the client-broker relationship if you aren't comfortable. For a number of reasons, the realtor USAA selected for us wasn't the best fit. Husband's friend from college recommended her broker/next door neighbor and I checked out his agency's website (Green Door Living, for those in the market for a house in Colorado). They were absolutely perfect for us.
What does that look like? Well, in our first conversation Christian told me about the current Denver market and what to expect (low inventory, booming demand, bidding wars). He spoke directly with our lender to make sure everything was going well. He spoke knowledgeably about each neighborhood, each street, and house construction. He was up for the long-distance buying process and understood our urgency. When we narrowed it down to seven or eight houses in two different areas of the city, he took my aunt and only Skyped me from two of them. He felt confident in our needs enough that he ruled out others for being too small, too structurally unsound, etc. We found this house on their first day of looking, but I had a couple reservations about the block. He drove back over to the house, called me, walked the block, and talked about everything he saw. He looked into the vacant house next door and found out that it was purchased in December. It made me feel really comfortable with putting a bid in long-distance and once we did put in an offer, he stayed on top of the seller to get a quick response. He held my hand through the buying process. Just everything about our broker-client relationship was great and that trust is imperative when doing all this sight-unseen.
Can you tell I like my broker?
2) Skype or Facetime into showings and the inspection. Use Google Streetview to get a sense of the neighborhood and surroundings, but keep in mind that it might not reflect changes on flipped properties, depending on when it was last updated. I am an idiot, and I kept wondering why our block was so gloomy and rundown compared to the surrounding blocks. Um, that's because it was a stormy day when Google Maps was on your block, and normal Colorado sun on the other blocks, you moron. Really, I'm that dumb.
3) Ask questions that normally don't need to be asked, because you would normally be there to see the house. How far is it from busy streets? What do the neighboring properties look like? What's the closest restaurant? Whatever matters to you, ask.
4) Ask your broker as early in the process as possible how contracts will work in your state. Can you do electronic signatures? Do you need access to a scanner or fax on short notice? Be prepared to hustle once you want to put in a bid. We were frantically signing things electronically to beat out another offer, but had we been required to sign and fax, we would have hired a sitter and camped out in the office for the night.
5) When working with your lender, consider whose income to put on your application. Many FS families have one consistent bread-winner. We had two until this month, but only put Husband's income on our application. They check your employment about a week before closing to confirm nothing has changed and nothing will change, and it would have derailed us entirely if they had to ask about my LWOP. If you work at the Embassy but don't have a job lined up for when you return to the States, consider whether you should put your current income on your mortgage application (this may be common sense for most people, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to not mention my employment until we went through this).
6) If you are going to buy from overseas, or anywhere really, go onto Employee Express, check your TSP address, change it to your actual mailing address (or a trusted friend or relative's, for quicker delivery). If you don't have your password, request one after your address has been changed. It took forever to get a new password, which meant it took forever to provide our lender my TSP statements.
7) If you are doing a TSP loan for your down payment or any part of the housing process, fill in the application online, print it, have your spouse sign it, and fax it in BUT ONLY ONCE. It will delay the process a bit if you do it more than once (speaking from experience). If you aren't sure whether they got it, call them later to follow up. But have your phone PIN. Please see number 3.
8) Ask your broker for a trusted EVERYTHING and join Angie's List. I'm not established in Denver. I know about five people here. I didn't know where to begin to find a good painter or fence company or anything. My broker hooked me up with our painters, who gave me a good deal because of the referral. Angie's List has a small annual fee, but you can get reviews on companies, which is how I found my fence guys.
9) If possible, stay with family or use cash for temporary quarters if you are coming home before closing. Don't charge a month of a corporate stay on your card even if you will pay it off every month, as your lender will check your credit several times once you are in escrow. I had to rent a car, get a cellphone (requiring a credit check), etc., but I stayed with family so at least I didn't have that expense. Credit checks and a change in your debt-to-limit ratio could scare your lender.
10) Lastly, in the hullaballoo of an overseas move, it is always helpful to have family swoop in and lend much-needed hands. I found this to be extra true when buying a house instead of renting. Because we came back to the country so soon before closing, I had to do everything at once. My mom, aunt and cousins have helped me pick up furniture, build furniture, accept shipments, unpack, distract kids, find a blinds company, go to Home Depot (really, I'm there almost every day), etc. I have vendors coming in and out several times a day, and having another adult or four around has been very helpful. Our window coverings salesperson (that is a thing!) was amused to walk into a house with four children and five adults and three animals, but that's how we got things done. I told my young and strong cousin and her fiancé that their wedding present would double in niceness for every piece of furniture they assemble. I'm not sure I was kidding. It takes a village.
Here are my tips. Keep in mind that I know really nothing about buying a house, but I am currently occupying one and no one has sent the police over to tell me I did the whole thing wrong and I'm actually a very well-established squatter. I mean, I just painted, so that would be awkward.
1) Get a good agent. We love USAA and naturally took them up on their MoversAdvantage offer. As part of the program (well, as all of the program, really), they set you up with a broker in your market. If you close with that person, you get cash on closing. It's a nice sum of cash in any other situation, but in the context of buying a house, it's not a lot and it's certainly not worth maintaining the client-broker relationship if you aren't comfortable. For a number of reasons, the realtor USAA selected for us wasn't the best fit. Husband's friend from college recommended her broker/next door neighbor and I checked out his agency's website (Green Door Living, for those in the market for a house in Colorado). They were absolutely perfect for us.
What does that look like? Well, in our first conversation Christian told me about the current Denver market and what to expect (low inventory, booming demand, bidding wars). He spoke directly with our lender to make sure everything was going well. He spoke knowledgeably about each neighborhood, each street, and house construction. He was up for the long-distance buying process and understood our urgency. When we narrowed it down to seven or eight houses in two different areas of the city, he took my aunt and only Skyped me from two of them. He felt confident in our needs enough that he ruled out others for being too small, too structurally unsound, etc. We found this house on their first day of looking, but I had a couple reservations about the block. He drove back over to the house, called me, walked the block, and talked about everything he saw. He looked into the vacant house next door and found out that it was purchased in December. It made me feel really comfortable with putting a bid in long-distance and once we did put in an offer, he stayed on top of the seller to get a quick response. He held my hand through the buying process. Just everything about our broker-client relationship was great and that trust is imperative when doing all this sight-unseen.
Can you tell I like my broker?
2) Skype or Facetime into showings and the inspection. Use Google Streetview to get a sense of the neighborhood and surroundings, but keep in mind that it might not reflect changes on flipped properties, depending on when it was last updated. I am an idiot, and I kept wondering why our block was so gloomy and rundown compared to the surrounding blocks. Um, that's because it was a stormy day when Google Maps was on your block, and normal Colorado sun on the other blocks, you moron. Really, I'm that dumb.
3) Ask questions that normally don't need to be asked, because you would normally be there to see the house. How far is it from busy streets? What do the neighboring properties look like? What's the closest restaurant? Whatever matters to you, ask.
4) Ask your broker as early in the process as possible how contracts will work in your state. Can you do electronic signatures? Do you need access to a scanner or fax on short notice? Be prepared to hustle once you want to put in a bid. We were frantically signing things electronically to beat out another offer, but had we been required to sign and fax, we would have hired a sitter and camped out in the office for the night.
5) When working with your lender, consider whose income to put on your application. Many FS families have one consistent bread-winner. We had two until this month, but only put Husband's income on our application. They check your employment about a week before closing to confirm nothing has changed and nothing will change, and it would have derailed us entirely if they had to ask about my LWOP. If you work at the Embassy but don't have a job lined up for when you return to the States, consider whether you should put your current income on your mortgage application (this may be common sense for most people, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to not mention my employment until we went through this).
6) If you are going to buy from overseas, or anywhere really, go onto Employee Express, check your TSP address, change it to your actual mailing address (or a trusted friend or relative's, for quicker delivery). If you don't have your password, request one after your address has been changed. It took forever to get a new password, which meant it took forever to provide our lender my TSP statements.
7) If you are doing a TSP loan for your down payment or any part of the housing process, fill in the application online, print it, have your spouse sign it, and fax it in BUT ONLY ONCE. It will delay the process a bit if you do it more than once (speaking from experience). If you aren't sure whether they got it, call them later to follow up. But have your phone PIN. Please see number 3.
8) Ask your broker for a trusted EVERYTHING and join Angie's List. I'm not established in Denver. I know about five people here. I didn't know where to begin to find a good painter or fence company or anything. My broker hooked me up with our painters, who gave me a good deal because of the referral. Angie's List has a small annual fee, but you can get reviews on companies, which is how I found my fence guys.
9) If possible, stay with family or use cash for temporary quarters if you are coming home before closing. Don't charge a month of a corporate stay on your card even if you will pay it off every month, as your lender will check your credit several times once you are in escrow. I had to rent a car, get a cellphone (requiring a credit check), etc., but I stayed with family so at least I didn't have that expense. Credit checks and a change in your debt-to-limit ratio could scare your lender.
10) Lastly, in the hullaballoo of an overseas move, it is always helpful to have family swoop in and lend much-needed hands. I found this to be extra true when buying a house instead of renting. Because we came back to the country so soon before closing, I had to do everything at once. My mom, aunt and cousins have helped me pick up furniture, build furniture, accept shipments, unpack, distract kids, find a blinds company, go to Home Depot (really, I'm there almost every day), etc. I have vendors coming in and out several times a day, and having another adult or four around has been very helpful. Our window coverings salesperson (that is a thing!) was amused to walk into a house with four children and five adults and three animals, but that's how we got things done. I told my young and strong cousin and her fiancé that their wedding present would double in niceness for every piece of furniture they assemble. I'm not sure I was kidding. It takes a village.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Being Half of Something
Praise Jeebus, I have internet. My eyes and fingertips were near death following a few weeks of ferocious iPhone-ing. As of today I had used 90% of my monthly data allowance (with two weeks to go), mostly Facetiming Husband, who is in Fakistan, aka Indianastan, aka Fake Afghanistan. Hashtag FirstWorldProblems HashtagOhMyGodThisIsntTwitterStopHashtagging.
We bought a house. I signed a lot of documents, twice. They didn't like my finely-honed squiggle of a signature, so I had to write out my full name, and Husband's Full Name by My Full Name as Attorney-in-Fact, about a million times. Still easier than getting my TSP password. HashtagFedProblems HashtagStopIt.
Observations about Denver: WHERE HAVE ALL THE CYNICS GONE. East Coasters please come visit. Also: seriously, they talk about the powder on the radio. The local weather has a segment just for skiing conditions. I'm fairly certain a genuine Mountain Man was driving the luggage truck when we arrived at the airport. Pony sightings: zero, but I still have high hopes. Unlike Mumbai, there are no cattle in the street, but there are cattle in every other advertisement. These people love their beer.
Observations about being a homeowner: Window coverings are hugely expensive and you'll have never seen the price tag coming. Your happiest day will not be closing, but the day internet is installed. Buying a loft bed for your son to preserve usable space in his small room is smart. Adding a slide (yes, really) to it negates the space savings. Don't worry, he can slide into the closet (yes, really). Even if you are just putting up a swatch of paint to test the color, put tape on your moulding.
Observations about the SAHM transition: I almost can't think about my career right now. It's like a break up with someone you love intensely, but you know you can't make it work. Put the blinders on and move forward, lest you become overwhelmed with self-doubt. I'll tackle the Having It All and Doing It All and Being It All or Being Half of Something another day.
Observations about The Children: They both speak with Estonglish grammar, meaning slightly Yoda-like. I thought Girl couldn't count, but turns out she just can't count in English (well, she can, but she starts with five and can only get to eight). She'll easily do an üks, kaks, kolm, neli, viis, kuus, seitse, kümme. Yes, Estonian speakers, she does all that in a perfect Estonian accent, but she still skips eight and nine because they make no freaking sense. Even Girl knows this.
Observations about the Menagerie: Out of the clink and pretty well adjusted. The cats are troopers and expert travelers, and the dog is just too dog-like to get overworked about being in a new place.
As I tackle the main project here, which is Boy, I'll share some of the highs and lows and what works and what doesn't, but I'm trying to do so in a way that protects his privacy. I hope against hope that someday the outbursts and pugilism and mood swings will be unrecognizable behaviors, but I don't want him to stumble across this a few years down the road and think for half a second that I only focused on what's wrong. There's a lot right with him, and I will share that too. That is a narrow and difficult line to walk, but with time I will figure it out.
Onward.
We bought a house. I signed a lot of documents, twice. They didn't like my finely-honed squiggle of a signature, so I had to write out my full name, and Husband's Full Name by My Full Name as Attorney-in-Fact, about a million times. Still easier than getting my TSP password. HashtagFedProblems HashtagStopIt.
Observations about Denver: WHERE HAVE ALL THE CYNICS GONE. East Coasters please come visit. Also: seriously, they talk about the powder on the radio. The local weather has a segment just for skiing conditions. I'm fairly certain a genuine Mountain Man was driving the luggage truck when we arrived at the airport. Pony sightings: zero, but I still have high hopes. Unlike Mumbai, there are no cattle in the street, but there are cattle in every other advertisement. These people love their beer.
Observations about being a homeowner: Window coverings are hugely expensive and you'll have never seen the price tag coming. Your happiest day will not be closing, but the day internet is installed. Buying a loft bed for your son to preserve usable space in his small room is smart. Adding a slide (yes, really) to it negates the space savings. Don't worry, he can slide into the closet (yes, really). Even if you are just putting up a swatch of paint to test the color, put tape on your moulding.
Observations about the SAHM transition: I almost can't think about my career right now. It's like a break up with someone you love intensely, but you know you can't make it work. Put the blinders on and move forward, lest you become overwhelmed with self-doubt. I'll tackle the Having It All and Doing It All and Being It All or Being Half of Something another day.
Observations about The Children: They both speak with Estonglish grammar, meaning slightly Yoda-like. I thought Girl couldn't count, but turns out she just can't count in English (well, she can, but she starts with five and can only get to eight). She'll easily do an üks, kaks, kolm, neli, viis, kuus, seitse, kümme. Yes, Estonian speakers, she does all that in a perfect Estonian accent, but she still skips eight and nine because they make no freaking sense. Even Girl knows this.
Observations about the Menagerie: Out of the clink and pretty well adjusted. The cats are troopers and expert travelers, and the dog is just too dog-like to get overworked about being in a new place.
As I tackle the main project here, which is Boy, I'll share some of the highs and lows and what works and what doesn't, but I'm trying to do so in a way that protects his privacy. I hope against hope that someday the outbursts and pugilism and mood swings will be unrecognizable behaviors, but I don't want him to stumble across this a few years down the road and think for half a second that I only focused on what's wrong. There's a lot right with him, and I will share that too. That is a narrow and difficult line to walk, but with time I will figure it out.
Onward.
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